I Apologize.

For the delay. I set myself up with an agenda, so here it is.

1. Billy Packer: Play the NCAA Tournament Drinking Game. Every time that Packer says, "He got away with one" or otherwise mentions a foul that wasn't called, take a drink. You'll be bleep-faced before the first TV timeout.

2, The College Basketball Invitational: Or, the NIT for Losers. Or, the Everyone's a Winner Tournament, Yaaaaaaay! Or, the HDACATAAWMTPAVBTITCTWGTWA (Honestly, Does Anyone Care About This At All? Well Maybe The People At Virginia Because This Is The Closest They Will Get To Winning Anything.)

3. Myself: Feelin' better. Gettin' after it. Grip it and rip it, that's my motto.

Let's Just Say...

that I (and my father and my mother) have been a wee bit under the weather. I'm not gonna get specific, but let's just say that it rhymes with bomach slu.  I guarantee that I'll be back shortly with commentary on the following:

1. Billy Packer

2. The College Basketball Invitational

3. Myself.

Wait patiently.

So, How's This Work Exactly?

This is my first experience with the NCAA tournament, or, what adults refer to as "March Madness." I don't necessarily get what is going on exactly, but there is one question that I have: Why did Arizona make the tournament and Arizona State did not?

For example, Arizona finished 8-10 in the Pac-10 and 19-14 overall. ASU went 9-9 in the league and 19-12 overall. Soooooo, ASU had a better conference record, a better overall record, and beat Arizona twice. Hmmm. Let's look deeper. Arizona lost to Stanford twice, UCLA twice, lost to Oregon twice, and split with Washington State. ASU? Split with Stanford, lost to UCLA twice, split with Oregon, and lost to Washington State twice. They also beat Xavier and split with USC, as did Arizona. What teams that you may have heard of  did Arizona beat that weren't in the Pac-10 and that are as good as Xavier...

Oh wait, Arizona beat Adams State. That might have been the difference maker. 

Just Don't Vote...

...for this dirty diapie wipie.

C'maaaan. Steroids: illegal. Working to eliminate things that are illegal, a noble venture especially among politicians, even if they can't get it right.

Taping defensive signals in the NFL: not illegal. Trying to "get to the bottom" of an activity that was in violation of NFL rules, that was dealt with by the NFL, and has no bearing on public safety or well-beign: inanity.

Thank You!

Bob Ryan gets it.

Why do so few?

How many all-time great QB's chucked the ball up for grabs into triple-coverage during the playoffs, in overtime? I can't answer that, but I'll assume that none did it as many times as Favre.

Just Went to This Great New Place...

Well, I don't know if its really all that new or not because, hey, I'm not even eight months old so almost everything is new for me. Anyway, The Aegean in Framingham. Good times. Had a little of the rice and the roasted potatoes. Gotta tell ya, I liked it. No kiddin'. They do a good job. The service: perfect. The waitress: very attractive (Is that ok? Can I say that?). Whatever. I liked it big time. My folks said that they used to go there a lot, so it was pretty hyped up. You know how that goes. "Oh, this place is sooo good. You have to go." Then you get there. Uhhh. The saltimbocca was cold and they had like, two Chiantis on the menu. And one of 'em was like thirty bucks. For a friggin' Chianti. The Aegean though, not like that at all. Definitely lived up to the rep. Had a nice high chair. Good view of everyone at the table. And, mom got the peas and brown rice to me as soon as I sat down. Well done. Here's my thing. I like to go out as much as the next guy, but I don't want to be sittin' there for half an hour waitin' on some pureed veggies while everyone else is chowin' down on some spinach pie or maybe some fasolatha. Lemme get somethin' on the tum and I'm ready to roll. All in all, I'll give this one five out of five stars. Hey, I don't even know what the hell five means. Not only that, what the bleep is a star? Five out of five bibs? Sippy cups? Diapers? Whatever, as long as its baby related. That's what people expect. Aegean in Framingham, the FCO shall return. Peace.

Let Us Kiss His Gold Spandex Clad Bum.

Brett Favre retires.

So, may the battle to heap the most praise on Ol' Number Four begin. Who will win this battle of the sycophants? This Wright Thompson figure? (As a side note, this guy's name isn't real. If it is real, he isn't actually a sportswriter. He can only be 1. an English Premier league soccer player who chooses to not use his first name, 2. the heir to an Eastern seaboard-based chemical industry, or 3. someone Holden Caulfield would refer to as a "real Joe Yale looking guy".) John Clayton, who somehow seems to blame this all on Randy Moss. 

I've only been around nigh eight months. And, while I will acknowledge that Favre is on the list of the all-time greats, here is my top five  (from my immediate genetic memory):

1. Brady

2. Manning

3. Montana

4. Elway

5. Marino

Quite Possibly, A Total Piece of Doo Doo.

This fine nugget of dump from John Clayton who has already deemed the Patriots (along with four other teams) to be "losers" in free agency.

Let us open the diaper and explore, shall we?

What a tough start to the offseason. (They didn't resign Moss, oh wait, yeah they did. But feel free to contradict yourself later.) The secondary took hits with cornerback Asante Samuel heading to Philadelpia, (Granted, a loss. But, come on. No one, I mean no one, saw this one coming. No one ever thought he'd leave.) cornerback Randall Gay going to New Orleans (Yep, the Pats should've matched the $17 million for a guy who has the stats mentioned in the last post. Gotta keep him around.)  and safety Eugene Wilson expected to leave in the next few days (10 career interceptions. Two over the last three years. If Gay got $17 million, Wilson's worth at least $35. Dollars. Not million. Thirty-five dollars.). Even though Moss is apparently staying, (Which still makes this offseason a loss because they also lost a nickel back [Not the band Nickelback mind you, although I think the world would be a much better place if fifth defensive backs got paid millions and Nickelback got sent into the Diaper Genie.]) the Pats lost WR Donte' Stallworth to Cleveland (Who will pay literally anything, anything, for ex-Pats. See Joe Andruzzi and Willie McGinest. Also, he was on a one year contract. Did you honestly think that the Patriots would pay him the amount of money that Cleveland did and still keep him as a third receiver? This is why teams like the Redskins fail year after year. They pay Big Time Player money to guys who aren't.) and Jabar Gaffney is unsigned (How dare they wait!) . Outside linebacker Rosevelt Colvin was released (Losing Colvin is perhaps, given the money he was making, the worst example to use if you want to assert that the offseason was bad.)

Here' s my overall problem with this article. I get that losing Samuel was bad. Granted. And keeping Stallworth would have been nice. But his return was least likely of them all. I got no problem with my top three wideouts being Moss, Welker, and Gaffney. The rest of these guys (the other three Clayton mentions) aren't really losses. Wilson doesn't do much of anything, Gay is a fifth (at best) defensive back, and Colvin is slow and hurt, hurt and slow, so on and so forth. The only way that the offseason is a loss for the Pats is if they don't sign Moss.

Clayton, you are hereby nominated for the Fraud of the Week.

What the hello?

So, the Saints signed Randall Gay. You know where the FCO is goin' with this one. 

Gay's stats in 39 career games (watch out, these numbers are mind blowin'): 14 starts, 5 interceptions, 1 fumble recovery, 86 tackles, and 12 passes defensed. And for that, he's getting $17 mil. Wow. I hate to break the news to my pops, o he of Saints fandom, but these kinds of deals are the reason his team ain't done jack-doo doo. Also, how much of that $17 mil is because of the Patriot Effect -- guys getting overpaid because they looked good while with the Pats.

I love the comments from readers below the article. The excitement is almost unrestrained. People honestly think that Randall Gay is going to make that team better. I love the comment that says he's "a leader." Really? He was? The Randall Gay that played for the Pats? Huh. Was he a captain? Did he start? Hmmm. My favorite comment has to be the guy who asks "Who on earth is Randall Gay?" and follow up with "I can only assume he's good to get paid money like that." 

Oh, Saints people, prepare to be underwhelmed.