Dr. Z...You Fraud!

Says Dr. Z regarding his pick of the Giants over the Pats in Super Bowl 42 (I can't really grasp Roman numerals at my age). Brackets are mine.:

"I can't handicap this game by conventional means -- [So, I'll admit that this is just pure, unadulterated guesswork rather than logical analysis] rush schemes and offensive planning and the like. I can only go back to Super Bowl III, [Number of Giants players and coaches involved in Super Bowl III: 0. Number of Patriots players and coaches involved in Super Bowl III: 0. Relevance of Super Bowl III to outcome of Super Bowl 42: 0.] when I was the New York Post's beat man covering the Jets, and I had a hunch [I had a hunch that I should read his article. That wasn't such a good idea.] that they were primed for a major upset over the Colts even though it didn't seem logical. [Logical according to the spread? The spread has little to do with logical and everything to do with mo-nay.] So I chickened out and picked the Colts by less than the huge spread. After watching the way the Giants [Now, back to the present day.] handled themselves on Sunday, [Against a Green Bay team that basically gave the game away by 1. refusing to cover any of the Giants' receivers, instead, trying to beat them up at the line and then letting them run downfield uncovered and 2. letting Brett Favre play in the second half and in overtime. By the way, two stats for you. The Giants were 6 for 16 on third downs. The Packers? Ready for this. Remember, they are at home, playing in their weather, against a team they've already beaten. Green Bay on third down...1 for 10. That is beyond pathetic. You could look at those two stats and know who won the game. The fact that it even went to overtime is mind-boggling. How did the Giants not win this game 28-0. How did the Packers score 20 points? I'll tell you. TD #1 was on a 90 yard bomb when the Giants DB's forgot how to tackle and how to push a guy out of bounds! TD #2 was the result of a gift personal foul penalty that kept a drive alive. Basically, the Packers took themselves out of this game and Eli Manning, to his credit, didn't play like Brett Favre.] I have the same hunch. [That I had...IN 1968! I think a lot of people had hunches forty years ago and its probably a good thing that they've been left un-acted-upon.] The mental toughness [That the Pats lack? This is a great technique for picking a game and for defending yourself. Choose a completely intangible quality, one that cannot be supported by information or logical analysis, and use this as your crutch. The Giants will win because they are "mentally tough." What does this even mean?] is unmistakable. I'm playing the hunch this time. [To right the wrong of forty years ago when I was the only guy who had a feeling that the Jets would win and refused to act upon it. Please.]

I'm Done!

No more sports handicapping for me, people. I done messed up! The Pats wouldn't go for the late TD to give BD the cover and the Pack, well, I should have known better than to trust Favre to take care of the ball. At home!

The most telling stat, as I see it, from Sunday's Pats/Chargers tilt is that the Bolts were 3 of 12 on third down. I can't add, heck, I can't use intelligible English or control my bowels, but I know that that is 25% and that won't get in done in the playoffs. A lot of people have been tough on the Pats D as they seem to think that giving up yards or "big plays" is somehow more important that giving up points. The bottom line is that the Pats gave up only four field goals to a team that put 28 on the Colts, at Indy, against a team that lots of people claimed was the best D in the game. The Pats D, as usual, did what it needed to do, and then some, when everything was on the line. Granted, the Chargers were without a lot of their main weapons, but as BB would say, "it is what it is." The D stepped up when it counted most. And stepped up uge.

On a side note, I have two questions:

Question #1

(First, the preface to the question)

On Saturday night, the Knicks played the Heat in Miami. The game, I will assume, started at 8pm. I think we can also assume that the temps were some where in the 60's or 70's. And, let's remember, we are in Miami. The Knicks were 12-27 going in to that game and the Heat were 8-30. That, again, I'm a baby, not a mathematician, is a combined record of 20-57. The official attendance was a sellout. Which I think was a total lie. That would mean, if we assume the Heat are not lying, which they probably are, that 19,600 people went to that game.

The Question: Why in the name of god would anyone go, let alone pay money to attend, a game between these two teams? What possible reason could one have for this colossal waste of time?

[Imaginary Conversation:

Dude from Miami Who has Tickets to Heat-Knicks Game: Hey, BD, you wanna go to the Heat-Knicks game?

BD: (silence)

Dude: So, uh, you wanna go?

BD: (glares at Dude, shakes head in disbelief, and walks away, shaking head in disbelief)]

Question #2

Will someone please explain to me how and why the following three people still have the jobs that they currently have?

1. Matt Millen

2. Joe Morgan

3. Isiah Thomas

Championship Weekend

Ey, ya'll. I'm still recoverin' from gettin' a few shots on Friday. Run of the mill stuff, you know. Weighed in at 20 point 5. I feel good. I'm up to a deuce. Despite the fact that last week's picks were about as bad as stage one green beans, I am undaunted and am back for more. Like Eazy-E, "I keep bailin'." Here we go.

New York Giants @ Green Bay (-7 1/2)

I've been bangin' out the stats for the last few weeks and where has that gotten me? My college fund is in the can! No, not really. BD only plays the spreads for "entertainment purposes" and only wagers "units," not American currency. Since the stats aren't helpin' me, this week I'm going with my gut. And my gut is telling me to take the Pack to blow this one open late. My gut, by the way, is currently filled with sweet potatoes and peas. Mmmm. Back to the task at hand. The Giants have been lookin' good, but I think they'll run out of gas this weekend in Green Bay. This is a game that I see being close throughout the first half, and then the Packers blow it open in the third. Coughlin will be back, and Eli's gotten some of the naysayers off his back, but it all ends this week. Green Bay 34, New York 24

San Diego @ New England (-14)

I can't stand the Chargers. San Di-e-go, Poopy Chargers! If Rivers and Gates don't play, and if LT is more hurt than he's letting on (I think he's a bit more banged up that he will admit, even though you all know that he's a classy guy), the Bolts are in even more trouble than they would have been in to begin. Now, some people might say, wait, BD, didn't the Pats have trouble against some less than stellar QB's? (A.J. Feely? Kyle Boller?) Doesn't matter. The Colts were too arrogant and Tony Dungy proved (by not kicking a field goal to cut the lead to one with three time outs, four minutes left, the two minute warning, a Hall of Fame quarterback, and the most clutch kicker in the history of the NFL...do you see where this is going? could this be one of the more blatant screw-ups in recent years?) that he just can't get it done regularly in the post-season. Basically, the Colts let the Chargers win that game because they didn't think they could lose. As a side note, as great as Peyton Manning is, he's 7-7 in the playoffs. Brady is 13-2! Henceforth and thusly, the Pats will open the can early and often, giving themselves quite a margin for error. Basically, this one will be the opposite of the NFC Champ. New England 38, San Diego 21.

Pourin' Tha Haterade

Worst Books I Have Ever Read (Vicariously, Of Course)

1. Caucasia (Danzy "No really, this book is serious. Trust me. It's about race!" Senna)

2. A Yellow Raft in Blue Water (Michael "The Hack" Dorris)

My reaction to both is the same as my physical response to being bounced on the knee too much after a bottle. Or, like when I eat a lot of prunes. Actually, my reaction would be the devastating simultaneous combo of the aforementioned.

B. D.'s Q. P. B.'ler o. t. W.*

*Baby Donovan's Questionable Pro-Bowler of the Week: Roy Williams, SS, Dallas Cowboys

So I'm chillin' with the old man catchin' this weekends pro-football action when a thought occurs to me: could Roy Williams cover my grandmother? Then I thought, that probably isn't a good question because my grandmother is in pretty good shape. I kept thinking of appropriate questions that would challenge Roy Williams' place as a supposed Pro-Bowler when I though of the following: could Roy Williams cover an NFL-caliber wide receiver? Answer, no. Then I said to my baby self, wouldn't it be better to judge Roy Williams status by asking him to do something that a strong safety should be able to do, which is tackle people. If one (that one being me, friends) were to make that determination based on Sunday's game with the Giants, then the answer to the question of whether or not Roy Williams can make a tackle on an NFL caliber wide receiver in the biggest game of the season when it is imperative that you, the SAFETY!, prevent people from scoring is no. 

Roy Williams stat line from Sunday's game against the Giants: Tackles 1, Solo 1, Assists, 0, Passes Defensed, 0, Forced Fumbles, 0, Interceptions, 0, Sacks 0, Missed Tackles That I Counted, 2, Missed Tackles That Lead Directly to Giants' Scores, 1. He had one tackle. In a playoff game. At home. And he's going to the Pro Bowl. LaRon Landry, a rookie, had 5 tackles, all solo, 4 passes defensed, and 2 interceptions in a playoff game, on the road. He also had three more tackles that Williams on the season.

So, you Roy Williams (who seems like a pretty nice guy, by the way), are the inagural winner of the BDQPBotW. Congratulations. We'll be expecting a check for twenty-dollars as our reward for bestowing such an honor upon you. Your welcome! Have a great offseason! 'Cause your team lost. In the playoffs. At home. As a number one seed. After a bye week. The first time this has ever happened in the NFC. Well done.

Diamonds and Wood

The Wood (the bad)

This list may very well be extensive as hell.

1. This man.

Thankfully, he'll coach no more this year. There was more crying from he and Romo than when I have wait for a bottle. Don't celebrate when a challenge upholds a call that was already made to your advantage. That's like me getting pumped because I've moved on to mushed veggies. It's part of the game chief, that's where you ought to be. Don't get excited about doing what you're supposed to do.

2. This pseudo man.

The amount of buffoonery from Wade-ster was exceeded only by that of Mr. Rivers. Getting into it with the fans, complaining to refs, confused as to whether he should decline a penalty and take 2nd and 2 or take the penalty and get 1st and 10. Getting married and having a child, WHILE HE WAS IN COLLEGE! Nice decision making! Sunday fantasy: Rodney Harrison's forearm makes contact at a high rate of speed with P. River's lower back.

3. The Colts' Fans

They booed a 13 year-old girl who was representing the Patriots for the Punt, Pass, and Kick contest. That, my friends, is why the Colts lost. If she were a true Masshole, she would have flipped them off while saying, "Hey, guy, get bent!"

4. Tony Romo

Like Philip Rivers, he doesn't seem too familiar with the rules and regulations of professional football. Complaining to the refs about a pass interference play when you just got flagged for illegal formation? Homeslice, that negates whatever happened during the play unless it benefits the defense or if there is a personal foul.

Diamonds (the good)

1. Not my picks. Holy filled-up-diaper was I wrong. They were so bad I didn't even post them.

2. Sr.'s Brady, Rivers (what a D-Bag , by D-Bag I mean Diaper Bag!), Favruh, Manning (E), and Brady. Again. These guys were a combined 70/88 for 842 yards 11 TD's and 1 INT. Yipes.

3. L. Maroney and R. Grant who tore it up for a combined 323.

[As a sidenote, TO is crying right now during his press conference. In the words of my unck, "he has the emotional stability of a twelve-year-old boy."]

If You Would Like to Win Money...

...then you should get your picks elsewhere! Aaaa! Haaa! Haaa! Aw man. Whooo. Seriously. No, for real. Let's do this.

Seattle @ Green Bay (-7.5)
Snifffff? Snifffff? I smell somethins. Wait, it ain't my diaper soooo it must be an upset! Or some of that stanky limburger they make in Cheese-ville. I like the 'Hawks not only to cover, but to win this bad boy straight up. Or, do I like a Bad Boy straight up? Hmmm. Back to the picks. I like a few things about Seattle in this game: 1. they have some playoff tested players, particularly Hasselbeck 2. their defense is stingy (they tied for 6th in the league in points allowed) and 3. I got a feeling in my gut (hold up....nah, just a little gas). Nevermind number three. Anyway, Green Bay's team, particularly the skill players, are young and I don't know how they'll hold up in the face of playoff, and Seattle defensive, pressure. I know the Pack are at home, and I know that Favre has been his pre-Vicodin self, but I think that Seattle has a QB who won't make mistakes and a coach who'll call a good game. And so, Seattle 21, Green Bay 10. (Apologies to all my Beloit College peeps out there.)

Jacksonville @ New England (-13)
I'll get this one out of the way now. The Pats are going to cover this one. The bottom line is that the Jags won't be able to keep up with New England offensively and they'll have to start chucking it around, which is exactly what they don't want to do. Jax didn't impress me too much last week, and Garrard threw some passes that were as aimless as my visual focus was at about three weeks. Three weeks OLD! I'm a baby. Ok, got that out. Stay with me people. Now, there is a bit of a conflict of interest here as my old man was in the same freshman English class as Fred Taylor during his freshman year at the University of Florida. Freddy T and his homies also chucked eggs at my dad during Halloween of '94. Henceforth, New England 34, Jacksonville 13.

Enjoy the games amigos. I'll holler at ya'll on Saturday with predictions for Sunday. I'm a little sleepy. I think I..............

To Matthew, A Haiku

Hey everybody. Yo, Jerome, let's slow this thing down for a bit. Aaaaright. There we go. Junebug, ease up off that bass a lil'. Mmmm. Nice. We gonna get serious here for a bit people, slow it down a lil', and talk about my Uncle Matty D. He got a visit from ol' Mr. Inflamed Appendix and had to get that bad boy out. Thank you. Thank you. You're a good crowd. But he's doin' alright, kickin' back in the hospital bed, takin' it easy. Thanks. Ya know, this brings me back about six months to my own emergence into this world, and my first encounter with a hospital, and all that funky stuff. So, before we get on outta here, I wanna throw this one out to my Unc. Keep ya head up, and reach for the stars!

Appendix is gone.

What good was it anyway?

Better off without.

On Robert Sanders

First, so sue me! I went 3-1 straight up on the Wild Card picks, and 2-2 against the number (of the beast!). Yowsers.

Bob Sanders was named NFL Defensive Player of the Year today. Explain this to me. This seems like the quintessential (just picked this word up!) case of a player getting an award because TV analysts slobber over him. People think Bob Sanders is great, but couldn't tell you anything substantive that actually proves that he is as good as people claim. Basically, where are the stats to prove that he, according to the award, is the best defensive player in the game. We can get into the "most valuable" argument, but I would argue that there are other players that are more indispensable to their teams. Here's the stat breakdown on Sanders, a strong safety: tied for 42nd in the league in tackles with 96 (which ties him for second among SS's, and puts him six ahead of Bernard Pollard, who?...exactly), he had 8 passes defensed, 2 interceptions and no forced fumbles. He also rang up 3.5 sacks. I really don't get this it all. The Colts were number one in the league in points per game, but do you think that Bob Sanders was more responsible for that (the Colts giving up 16.4 ppg) than say, Vrabel was in the Pats giving up 17.1 per game, or than Barrett Ruud or Derrick Brooks were for the Bucs, or than Gary Brackett was for the same Colts? I'm not saying that I don't think he's good, I just would like to know what the argument was, statistically, tangibly, for his being chosen. Can someone do this for me?

Oh, I pooped today.

Peace.

On My Mind

Favorite Coaches of All-Time:

1. Steve Spurrier

2. Urban Meyer

3. Jimmy Johnson

4. Belichick

5. Ya momma! (Ha!)

No wait, I'm just jokin'. My momma!

NFL Picks Part 2

First, the Seahawks are falling apart, people. Wow.

New York Giants @ Tampa Bay (-3)

Maaaan. This is a toughie for a number of reasons. One, I can't stand Coughlin. He's a freakin' buffoon. Wade Philips is a boob, Coughlin is a doof. Two, neither of these teams really impresses me all that much. I have to make a call here though, and here's what I'm going with. My whole thing with the NFL is that wins come down two things: QB's and coaches. In this case, the advantage goes to the Bucs.  I like Garcia at home and I think Eli will be what he is: the player you saw in the fourth quarter against the Pats. Thus, Tampa Bay 24, Giants 20.

LaRon Landry takin' charge. Hm.

Tennessee @ San Diego (-10)

Yikes. This one could gut butt ugly real fast. Vince Young is hurt, the Chargers are playing pretty well. Buuut, the Titans defense can cause you some problemas. Like the combination of prunes and apples. That's another story. I despise the Chargers. Really. I think Philip Rivers will be exposed again at some point as nothing more than a mid-level NFL QB. In this game, I think the Charger's offense (LT, specifically) just has too much firepower. The Titans defense might keep them in it, but they won't be able to keep up with the scoring. Hence, San Diego 34 (with the cover), Tennesse 17.

Enjoy.

Just Ta Let Cha Know!

Alright, homies. I've been rockin' this thing for a bit now, but I haven't said too much about me. Here's a little about the mind that moves the fingers that rocks the MacBook keyboard. Now don't get too distressed about the most important aspect of who I am: a baby. That's right I might be a few weeks short of six months, but I still stay up on the world of college and pro-football, mostly through conversations with my old man, occasionally by reading the work of the esteemed Phil Steele. I also like to exercise my Constitutional rights (this is for you Screamin' A!) to comment on other stuff that's givin' me a little of the ol' diaper rash, if you know what I mean. 

Anyway, you might be askin' yourself, what is an "ombudsman"? Well, playboy, look it up. Basically, I point out the foolishness and the wrongdoing in the world of sports, and also in the world of sports commentary and analysis. At the same time, I'll give you a little of my own insight (you're welcome) so that you can make informed, for "entertainment purposes only" decisions. 

This isn't going to be one of those typical "baby blogs." I'm not gonna talk about what mushed veggie I started eating, or whether or not I can sit up on my own for more than ten seconds. If you want that jive, there's plenty out there. This is all about holding people accountable in the world of sports. It just so happens that I'm a baby. Don't judge me on that. Roll with me for a bit, it'll be a good time.

"I've ripped many places, on a regular basis."

- Big Daddy Kane

Baby Donovan's Divisional Playoff Picks: Saturday

Washington @ Seattle (-3)

For the win, I like the Seahawks here. I also, for entertainment purposes, like them to cover. They seem to find ways to win at home in the postseason. That homefield is a huge advantage for them, and Hassleback has been one of the more underrated QB's this year, completing 62% and throwing 28 TD's to 12 picks. The 'Skins are playing on emotion and I think that heading to Seattle and playing in that environment is going to drain them a bit. Seattle 17, Washington 10.

Jacksonville (-3) @ Pittsburgh

Eeeeevrybody's picking the Jags in this one, for good reason. They won already at Heinz field, they have an awesome running game (second in total yards and fifth in yards per attempt), and they've got a QB who doesn't make mistakes (Garrard has 18 TD's to only 3 INT's). Nobody likes the Steelers and think they are ripe for the picking. I'm not to sure about that. Pittsburgh is at home, Polamalu will probably play, although his effectiveness might be limited, and they are going to be fired up knowing that no one is giving them a chance. I like Big Ben in the playoffs, and I like him this year. That being said... Jacksonville 27, Pittsburgh 20

Tomorrow: Sunday's Picks

Huh...

In his January 3 TMQ column on ESPN Page 2, Easterbrook claims the following (by the way, his argument is that the Patriots should be concerned as "pass wacky" teams don't win the Super Bowl: "Pass defense requires mental discipline and concentration; pass defenders might tend to slack off a bit in the regular season but bear down in the playoffs, when there's no tomorrow. When the Steelers played the Patriots this year, Pittsburgh used a backed-off, almost careless coverage and seemed to shrug about the whole thing, as if thinking, "So we lose to New England today, so what, we're back in business next week." Nobody thinks that way in the playoffs."

There are a number of issues that I have with this.

1. He basically claims that the Steelers did not care whether they won or lost the game, which is hard to believe on many levels. For a moment, ignore the issue of individual and team pride. Consider the fact that the Steelers were still locked in a pretty good battle with the Browns for the North title at the time and had at least that reason to want to win. Conceivably, the Browns could have won the division.

2. This argument basically frees the Steelers from all blame for the loss (beating a team that would eventually go undefeated meant nothing to them, while it mattered tremendously to the Eagles, Ravens, and Giants, among others) and takes away any praise from the Patriots (they were playing against a team that had, in effect, given up, so the win was sort of hollow).

3. In week 15, the Steelers were 9-5, the Browns 9-5 (Pittsburgh won the series), Jacksonville was 10-4, San Diego 9-5, and the Titans were 8-6. By Easterbrook's logic, the Steelers knew in week 13 that they would eventually clinch a playoff birth and were thus already tanking games.

4. It's just stupid.

The Book

on Hawai'i football (based upon my intense viewing of their first two offensive series and first defensive series):

1. Gimmicky...when it comes to playing teams who can compete with them physically. Georgia was bigger, stronger, and faster and it showed. Hawai'i can't run around and away from guys that are huge and who are just as fast as they are. If UH were playing a team of big lugs, then their offensive schemes and team speed would work.

2. Hawai'i does fine when they are playing WAC teams who, like they, are made up of kids who otherwise wouldn't be playing at places like Georgia. They can't compete against teams like Georgia that are made up of kids who end up at Georgia.