Quite Possibly, A Total Piece of Doo Doo.

This fine nugget of dump from John Clayton who has already deemed the Patriots (along with four other teams) to be "losers" in free agency.

Let us open the diaper and explore, shall we?

What a tough start to the offseason. (They didn't resign Moss, oh wait, yeah they did. But feel free to contradict yourself later.) The secondary took hits with cornerback Asante Samuel heading to Philadelpia, (Granted, a loss. But, come on. No one, I mean no one, saw this one coming. No one ever thought he'd leave.) cornerback Randall Gay going to New Orleans (Yep, the Pats should've matched the $17 million for a guy who has the stats mentioned in the last post. Gotta keep him around.)  and safety Eugene Wilson expected to leave in the next few days (10 career interceptions. Two over the last three years. If Gay got $17 million, Wilson's worth at least $35. Dollars. Not million. Thirty-five dollars.). Even though Moss is apparently staying, (Which still makes this offseason a loss because they also lost a nickel back [Not the band Nickelback mind you, although I think the world would be a much better place if fifth defensive backs got paid millions and Nickelback got sent into the Diaper Genie.]) the Pats lost WR Donte' Stallworth to Cleveland (Who will pay literally anything, anything, for ex-Pats. See Joe Andruzzi and Willie McGinest. Also, he was on a one year contract. Did you honestly think that the Patriots would pay him the amount of money that Cleveland did and still keep him as a third receiver? This is why teams like the Redskins fail year after year. They pay Big Time Player money to guys who aren't.) and Jabar Gaffney is unsigned (How dare they wait!) . Outside linebacker Rosevelt Colvin was released (Losing Colvin is perhaps, given the money he was making, the worst example to use if you want to assert that the offseason was bad.)

Here' s my overall problem with this article. I get that losing Samuel was bad. Granted. And keeping Stallworth would have been nice. But his return was least likely of them all. I got no problem with my top three wideouts being Moss, Welker, and Gaffney. The rest of these guys (the other three Clayton mentions) aren't really losses. Wilson doesn't do much of anything, Gay is a fifth (at best) defensive back, and Colvin is slow and hurt, hurt and slow, so on and so forth. The only way that the offseason is a loss for the Pats is if they don't sign Moss.

Clayton, you are hereby nominated for the Fraud of the Week.

Residuals

Aww, maaaaan. So my old man is puttin' on my onesie, gettin' me ready for bed. He gives me the blue Patriots job and, you know what starts happenin'? I start cryin'! Uncontrollably. I just couldn't deal with it. I though I was done. But, no. Eventually I pulled myself together with thoughts of the soon-to-come bottle. For a second there, though, I lost it.

Movin' Along

No, this isn't about what happens to my dinner after I've eaten the prunes. This is about the post-Super Bowl hangover that is afflicting all of Massachusetts. It is over! You know why? Because its Pro Bowl weekend which, in this household, means the end of the 2007 season. No more drivin'. No more cryin'. What? The Pats lost the Es Bee? Don't remember. That was last year. The Giants? Did what? When? Eli who? Never heard of 'em? Now that we can begin lookin' ahead to next year, I'll give you a few of my predictions for the '08 campaign. And, like all the so-called prognosticators and analyzizers on the networks, I'm pullin' this stuff straight outta the Diaper Genie.

1. Laurence Maroney will be a Pro-Bowler.

2. Asante Samuel will be a Patriot.

Peace!